When you’re angry do you stop talking to your mate?
In a recent Psychology Today article written by Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., is an interesting, and dare I say, accurate idea for why couples go radio silent to one another and end up in a stalemate situation over a conflict.
If emotions are high while mates try to present their case as to why they are right, each partner’s ability to truly listen to the other’s core feelings and thoughts declines rapidly.
Dr. Seltzer suggest 6 steps to ending your stand-off with your mate:
- Refrain from sharing the relics from what Seltzer calls your “Hurt Museum” before entering in a conversation about a conflict. Unveiling all the negative things your mate has done to you will overwhelm him or her and make it hard for your partner to hear your care message.
- Limit yourself to one topic of discussion at a time. Describe the situation and how you felt when your mate delivered his or her message.
- The listener devotes himself or herself to stepping into the other person’s perspective, takes ownership, and imagines the upset his or her words could have caused.
- After acknowledging/empathizing with your mate’s feelings, reflect back what you think your are hearing him or her say. In other words, validate your mate’s emotions.
- Apologize from your heart for hurting your partner. Apologies are the first step. Changing your behavior is what needs to follow the words. So, if you see an opportunity to DO something different, take it.
- Finally, ask your mate if he or she feels you truly empathize with why he or she feels hurt.
If attention is paid to each of these 6 steps, you will notice a marked decrease in negative energy between you and your mate, which will leave you a whole lot more energy to expend on love.
Want to let your partner how you feel? Spice up your mate’s day! Send them a quick text to let them know you’re thinking of them and how much you love them! Get some ideas with a free copy of “10 Sample Texts to Send your Mate to Build your Relationship”.