My mother-in-law treats me with disrespect by telling me what I’m doing wrong parenting our children. She criticizes me for how I cook and keep our house. I am so demoralized and have no desire to spend time with her or my husband’s family. My husband sides with his mother. Now I feel alienated from him, as well. Help!
I’ve seen this situation in my coaching practice, sadly, somewhat frequently.
As hard as it is, it is important for you to set boundaries with your mother-in-law.
Basically, we have to teach people how to treat us. When your mother-in-law criticizes you, speak up for yourself by telling her (respectfully) that you are happy with your parenting, cooking, and household system.
Make your statement short and concise.
As far as your husband is concerned, this is a dicey situation. He loves his mom, as he should, so be careful you don’t downgrade her. It’s important to tell him how you feel when you hear the things your mother-in-law says to you.
His job is to validate your feelings rather than defending his mom’s behavior. My guess is he feels stuck between the two of you, but he must stand up for you, his wife.
Ideally, you’ll want to speak to your mother-in-law directly first and then your husband acts as a back-up person to your feelings by talking with her as well. The longer this situation continues, the harder it is to set the boundary, so I recommend you talk with her as soon as possible.
Who knows, you and your husband, as a team, might end up building a bridge between you and your mother-in-law, instead of a wall.
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