“We’re just not compatible.”
I hear this a lot in my practice.
Maybe you’ve said this in regards to your own relationship, or you’ve heard someone say it about his or her relationship.
Whenever I hear someone say this, I caution them.
When I dig into their statement about incompatibility, I usually hear things like, “We don’t have the same interests or hobbies,” “I’m a morning person and the he/she is a night person”, or “Our personalities are so different.”
I tell couples this: Be careful because your definition of incompatibility may take you down the road of telling yourself what is wrong about your relationship rather than what is right.
Think about it. Do you really want to be with another person who thinks exactly the way you do? Do you want that person to have the exact same interests/hobbies as you? Do you want the other person to have the exact same temperament as you?
Gosh, I hope not!
It is when our partner has different interests, different opinions, and a different personality that we get the best chance of growing ourselves.
Having said all this, there is one area you and your mate want to be congruent, and that is the area of your core values. For example, if you both value having a family, value a strong work ethic, or value a strong sense of morality and integrity, then you have a foundation upon which your differences can thrive and bring you together.
We become thrown off course in our relationship when we confuse core values with interests and temperaments. In short, to quote Dr. Wayne Dyer, “Change how you look at things and the things you look at change.” Change your view of the differences between you and your mate, and you change your relationship.
If you and your partner are feeling more disconnected than aligned, you don’t have to stay stuck in that feeling. I work with couples all the time who wonder if they’re just too different—and together, we uncover what’s really going on underneath. If you’re ready to explore that, I’d be honored to help. You can connect with me HERE.