If you are reading this, you are alive and have a mother! Mother’s Day is just 3 days from now. This is a great time of year to think about either your own mom and/or yourself as a mom. I recommend you use the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, to launch into thoughts about motherhood.
The premise of The Five Love Languages is that we all have one or two prominent love languages out of the five we use to love people in our lives. The love language we use to love a child may be different than the love language we use to love our partner, our friends, or our parents.
So, when thinking about your mom or yourself as a mom, it would be interesting and perhaps enlightening to figure out which love language your mom used to love you and which you use to love your children. They may be similar or may not be the same. Here is the list of the Five Love Languages:
- Words of Affirmation – if this is your primary love language, you love by expressing words of love. Compliments and “I love you” trip off your tongue easily.
- Quality Time – loving this way means you don’t necessarily care what you are doing with the other person, just that you are together.
- Acts of Service – if you mostly love this way, you like doing things for the other person. Whether you are doing errands for someone or fixing dinner, you like to serve.
- Physical Touch – loving this way involves physically touching someone by giving a hug, a kiss, or perhaps a touch on the arm.
- Material Gifts – if this is your primary love language, you show love by giving tangible items to someone. Having something you’ve chosen for that person and giving it feels very natural and loving to you.
Now that you know the Five Love Languages, which does or did your mom most use to love you? I can say with assuredness that my mom loved me with material gifts. I have such great memories of my mom giving me every board game known to man. When it was Halloween, I got costumes from the FAO Schwartz catalogue! There wouldn’t be a time when my mom would go grocery shopping and not bring home something for me (bubbles, coloring book, etc.) Finally, when I was in high school, I was voted “Best Dressed.” Why? My mom bought all of my clothes for me!
So, take some time to reflect upon which love languages your mom used or uses to love you. If you’re a mom, think about which love languages you use to love your child or children.
No parents are perfect, and sometimes, as parents, we can be hard on ourselves and not realize the concrete ways we love our children and adult children. Do we make mistakes? Did our moms make mistakes? Yes, we did, and yes, they did. However, in the midst of fallibility, we also love.
Treat yourself this Mother’s Day and identify which love language your mom used or uses to love you and which you use to love your children. It will be one of the best Mother’s Day gifts you’ll give yourself!