Language and how it is used in a relationship can make it or break it.
When I work with men and women in my relationship coaching practice, I teach them 35 tools for their marriage or relationship. Many of the tools I teach have to do with the positive or negative power of the spoken word.
Sometimes when a couple is talking to one another on a particular topic, these words come out of the man’s mouth: “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.” I look at that moment as a fabulous teaching moment for the husband or partner. I explain to him that a woman’s number one love need is validation, so if she hears “You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” it’s the same as him saying, “You’re crazy for feeling the way you do!” Believe me, a woman will not react well to this.
Even if a man doesn’t agree with what his mate is saying or would react differently in the same situation, here are some validating things he can and must say:
- It sounds like this matters a lot to you.
- Given the situation, I can see how you might feel that way.
- Wow, no wonder you reacted the way you did.
- For you to feel this way, the situation had to be (fill in the blank)
When a man validates a woman’s feelings, he will surely have a confidant, friend, and lover for life.