Have you or your partner ever apologized for a mistake or an unacceptable behavior only to discover you or your mate continues to make the same mistake or show the same behavior?
Don’t get me wrong. Apologies are important, particularly the full-rounded kind that don’t stop at “I’m sorry.”
As important as the words of apology are, the actions that back up the words of apology are what mean the most.
Many people can give a mistake a free pass once or twice, but if the mistake keeps occurring, you or your mate not only begin to distrust the other’s words, but your mate’s ability to change his or her actions.
This damaging cycle: apologize/repeat, apologize/repeat … can be broken by first and foremost being aware of choices being made.
Yes, behaviors can easily become habits, but habits (especially bad ones) are meant to be broken.
If you have apologized multiple times for a choice or behavior, give it up on apologizing the next time. Instead, catch yourself breaking the habit and let your mate know of the change. He or she may be so used to the negative habit that he or she is not looking for the change to occur.
Building trust takes determination and consistency. You may feel like you’re taking 2 steps forward and 1 back at times, but you’re still ahead.
If your mate takes longer than you had hoped to trust you, give it time. Trust can be broken quickly. To build it back takes longer than expected, but it’s worth the wait.
If you and your partner are feeling more disconnected than aligned, you don’t have to stay stuck in that feeling. I work with couples all the time who wonder if they’re just too different—and together, we uncover what’s really going on underneath. If you’re ready to explore that, I’d be honored to help. You can connect with me HERE.