If you are feeling unseen, here are simple ways to feel noticed and notice each other.
Has there ever been a period of time in your relationship where you haven’t felt “seen” by your mate?
Maybe he/she is distracted, pre-occupied with fill in the _____, or focused on himself or herself. In any event, when this happens the other person can feel invisible and that he or she doesn’t matter much.
There certainly are circumstances that can come up with a job, a family member, health challenges, etc. that can take up space in a mate’s head to the point where his or her partner is not on the radar. That’s just life at times.
Where it’s a major concern is when one of the couple is chronically not present to the other person for months, or sadly, years.
In the best of circumstances, this situation can be addressed before it goes on too long, but in some relationships, it goes on for so long that the person feeling irrelevant starts to envision ending the relationship in some form, whether it’s a separation or a divorce.
The key in this situation is to address it as soon as possible. Let your mate know you feel unseen on a regular basis and that your relationship has to change in a more positive direction.
One way for you to see your mate is to actually say things like, “I’ve noticed ______ . Noticing a person is a small step to helping him/her feel he or she is on your radar. Here are some possible scenarios:
- I noticed you grabbed my favorite drink at the grocery store.
- I noticed you haven’t been wearing your usual hat lately. Is it lost?
- I noticed you’ve seemed down the last day or two. Is there anything you want to talk about?
These examples are all ways of paying attention to your mate. We all want someone to witness our life in small and big ways. Are you witnessing your mate’s life or is he/she witnessing yours?
If you and your partner are feeling unseen, you don’t have to stay stuck in that feeling. I work with couples all the time who wonder if they’re just too different—and together, we uncover what’s really going on underneath. If you’re ready to explore that, I’d be honored to help. You can connect with me HERE.