Having quality time with your mate is a linchpin to a strong relationship.
Another way to put this is how can you relate positively and lovingly on a consistent basis with your partner if you’re not spending extended time together?
But how does the time actually get allotted for the chance to be together?
It doesn’t happen on its own. Someone has to first have a thought of carving time out, then think about how to spend that time, and then think about how to execute the plan.
This takes thought and effort, for sure. When this process happens, it can produce a feeling of closeness, intimacy, and appreciation.
Here’s the thing … If only one person initiates the thought and puts the effort into planning quality time, the energy between you and your mate will soon become strained.
The person consistently planning quality time will feel overloaded, resentful, and unimportant. In short, he/she will feel like an activities director.
The operative word here is “initiates.”
Please read this carefully: Initiation is the engine for romance.
Think about it … When your mate thinks about a place or activity to create quality time between him/her and you, and he/she follows through to make it happen, you are going to feel like you matter (aka) you are a priority to this person.
I’m not an advocate of scorekeeping in a relationship, but there needs to be a system in place for a balanced give-and-take between you and your mate.
When I coach a couple, I recommend they alternate planning.
Ideally, you want to spend quality time (at least 1-1/2 hours a week) together. So one week, you initiate the plan, and the next week, your mate initiates the plan. The third week is open for you to work as a team to come up with something to do.
There is a caveat … sometimes couples fall into the “I don’t know, what do you want to do? I don’t know, what do you want to do” syndrome. This dynamic can be a drain on the relationship.
If this sounds like you, then stick to alternating every other week.
The point I want to drive home is that each person needs to take ownership for initiating a plan. What you want to avoid is reminding the other person to follow through. What can help with personal accountability with this is to schedule a weekly meeting to cross-check calendars for the upcoming week and confirm who is planning quality time for you as a couple.
Because weeks can get away from us, my husband and I do this each Sunday. In fact, my husband planned something for us to do tonight and I am so looking forward to whatever his plan may entail. The fact he put thought into it is what makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. 🙂