Large Projects mean Give and Take in a Relationship

This month’s story of a couple reaching a positive point in our work together is of a husband and wife who are building a house.

For those of you who have lived through a project like this, you might relate to one of the most common points of tension in the process: making decisions and choices together.

I’ve worked with many couples who have built a house or have had to renovate their home, and teamwork, compromise, and transparency are paramount to a successful process and final product.

Where those 3 components come into question is when one, the other, or both partners have strong opinions on choices for the home and think his or her decision is the only option. You can imagine how this scenario would not go well.

When entering into a project like this, a couple must go into it knowing that one person is not going to get his or her way 100% of the time. One partner may get the say-so for the outdoor lighting, but when it comes to the kitchen cupboard hardware, no dice. This experience of building a house is one of the best practice grounds I know of to exercise the art of compromise.

When I first began working with my client, the decision-making scale was tipped too far toward the husband’s side, and the wife was building up resentment. Suddenly, what was meant to be a fun and exhilarating process, began to feel like drudgery.

After several sessions of emphasizing the benefits of teamwork and letting go of etched-in-stone ideas, this couple started to relax around the project and not only choose products together, but install them together.

Success!! They reached a positive turning point in their efforts and I believe are on the way to building their dream home – as a team!

If you enjoyed this article and would like more tips, please feel free to download my “Top 10 Tips for Long Lasting Relationships” here.