A recent Psychology Today blog suggests an idea which I subscribe to whole-heartedly: Change how you Look at your Mate and the Mate you Look at Changes.
Research shows that evolutionarily our brains gravitate toward the negative. Cave men and women spent their entire lives assuming some animal, person, or event could kill them. They lived in the “what ifs.” That has carried through time and affects us today. However, studies have shown that our brain has what is called plasticity, which means our wiring is pliable enough to change and we CAN think differently and break the cycle of negative thinking. The good news is this translates directly to how we think about our mate! Here are some ideas from Jennie Vilhauer Ph.D. on how you can change how you look at your partner:Take a pad of paper and a pen, and sit down somewhere quiet and comfortable.
Close your eyes and see if you can remember an image of your partner from early in your relationship when you knew you were starting to really like him/her. Write down the details of how it felt at that time.
- Then start a list, and write down all the good qualities you liked about your partner when you first met. Use as many details as you can.
- Before you go to bed, add three items to the list about what you liked about him/her today.
- In the morning, read the list before you get out of bed.
- Every day, add three new things you like about your partner that day to your list to keep the list growing.
- Do this every day for 30 days.
These don’t have to be big things, like he is a kind person, they can be simple, such as I like that he held the door open for the neighbor in the elevator, or I like that he didn’t lose his temper today.
What you are actually doing is rewriting your story about your mate. We choose to have positive or negative thoughts rent space in our head. When it comes to your mate, practice and allow positive thoughts about your partner to take up space in your brain!