This month’s Ask Coach Kathy discusses how to communicate effectively about an important issue in relationship.
When I’m with my fiancé in front of other people, I notice that when he refers to me, he says, “she” rather than my name. When he does this, I feel discarded and almost like I’m not there. How do I tell him this and ask him to use my name when we’re with other people?
Frankly, I think you did an excellent job of explaining the situation to me. Simply say the same thing to your fiancé.
“When I hear you talking to our friends and referring to me in front of them as ‘she’ rather than using my name, I feel discarded and almost like I’m not present. I would like you to refer to me by my name when we are in front of other people. Would you do that?”
You have the content of your message down pat. You’ll want to make sure your tone is free of sarcasm or condescension so that your fiancé will truly hear you. It is very common for us to communicate the words that, on paper, look exactly right, but then we can foul it up by throwing in an inflammatory tone. It wouldn’t hurt to practice it alone to create a more neutral tone.
Do you have sensitive issues in your relationships that you need help with? Ask Coach Kathy about it. Submit your question below.