This month’s Ask Coach Kathy discusses one women’s need to bring back physical affection with her husband, and how to initiate it.
My husband and I have been married for 23 years and just in the last few years we have stopped having physical affection. I’ve known from the beginning that my husband doesn’t like public displays of affection, but we haven’t even touched in our own home. I feel very lonely and disconnected from him. What can I do?
It sounds like you are suffering from what is called “skin hunger.” As humans, we are not designed to be isolated and without physical contact. So your feelings of loneliness are very understandable.
Your husband may not be a natural toucher, but I recommend you start slowly and touch him in a casual, light way. Look for opportunities, for example, to pat his arm or put a hand on his shoulder as you pass him. If it’s been years since you’ve had a tactile, non-sexual connection, it may take some time for you both to get used to this sensation.
You may be asking yourself, “Why do I have to be the one to initiate physical affection?” The answer? To quote Dr. Phil, “How’s it working for you now?”
Do you have sensitive issues in your relationships that you need help with? Ask Coach Kathy about it. Submit your question below.