This past month I was asked to do an interview for Northeast Ohio Boomer and Beyond Magazine.
The topic: How to transition into a second marriage.
Q: What is one of the hot buttons a couple over 50 experiences with their second marriage?
A: Boundaries. When marrying for a second time, take new relationships slow and steady. You don’t want to enter into a new family or friend circle like a bull in a China shop! Remember, these relationships are new to you but have been in your partner’s life for a long time, so honor whatever boundaries your mate has in place with these close connections.
Q: Why is it important to make your second marriage spouse your number one priority?
A: People stay in or leave a marriage basically because of how they feel about themselves in the company of the other person. If a person no longer feels he/she matters (aka is a priority to the other person), that is a huge red flag. As soon as possible, vocalize that you feel invisible in the relationship and the reasons for it.
Q: How can couples over 50 make the second marriage more successful than the first marriage?
A: The best advice I can give is to look at what part you played in the breakdown of the last marriage. You take yourself with you to every subsequent relationship. And, yes, you were part of the state of the union. So own up to what part you played in the marriage’s demise and work to change whatever you may have done to contribute to it; otherwise, history may repeat itself.
Q: When should couples call in a qualified relationship specialist? Why is this the practical thing to do?
A: Make that call before you’ve been on a merry-go-round of arguing, silent treatment, or avoidance so long that you already have one foot out of the relationship. Frankly, you are so close to the problem it’s difficult for you to “zoom-out” and see the true state of your marriage. A third-party observer can do that and help you and your mate get back on track. It’s also not a bad idea to see a relationship specialist either before you get married or at the beginning of the marriage. Prevention is a good thing!