As far as I know, we humans are the only species that have the privilege of using the spoken word. The spoken word includes our vocabulary, of course, but also the tone and volulme we use. Ninety-three percent of our messages consist of nonverbal cues rather than verbal, and tone and volume are two huge parts of that.
I’ll never forget the day, many years ago, when I had a couple in my office, and in the middle of the session, the husband turned to his wife and “went off” on her. Never in all my years as a relationship coach have I seen one human being go off on another as he did with his wife. This man’s jugular vein was sticking out! I looked at her face, and she had gone to her “happy place.” I immediately stood up, looked at this man and said, “Excuse me sir. If you don’t stop yelling at your wife, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Now here comes the shocker … the husband looked at me with complete sincerity and said, “Oh, was I yelling?” Seriously?
We often become immune to the tone and volume of our own voice. The ramifications of our unconsciousness in this area are huge. If you want to be honest about your tone and volume, reading Susan Berkley’s book, Speak to Influence: How to Unlock the Hidden Power of Your Voice, might be the first step. To learn more about her book, click here.