Communication dynamics are tricky.
One of the most common dynamics in a couple’s relationship is when one person over-talks and the other person gets overwhelmed and leaves the conversation.
The over-talker then chases the person who needs a break. Can you relate to this type of relationship “dance?” If so, you’re not alone!
It’s a natural instinct to run away from a conversation when your brain has hit overload, and it can also be a natural instinct to want to follow your partner when he or she leaves the conversation.
So, what do you do when you find yourselves in this cycle?
Break it in the moment by respecting the person who needs space to bring down his or her emotions and process the conversation.
Having said that, it’s not okay to let the person who is dying to keep talking just hanging there. So instead, there needs to be an agreement between both people that they will get back to the conversation, by the very latest, in 2 days.
Here’s the thing … when you and your mate restart the conversation, you must agree on the following ground rules:
You’ll both be brief by explaining the situation, saying how you feel about the situation, and saying what you’d like to see happen in the situation.
Here’s a hypothetical:
“When I think about sending our daughter to the school in our neighborhood, I feel nervous and unsure because I’m not sure it’s a good fit for her. I would like for us to research and visit one more school for comparison.” This is where you stop talking! If you continue to go around the block on the topic a few more times, you will increase the chance your mate will leave the conversation.
If you are the person who is starting to feel overwhelmed by what your partner is saying, you must agree to set a different time to talk before you resort to leaving mid-conversation.
My goal in giving you this information is to help you change your conversation dance steps with each other. Try this. It works!
If talking about communication in your relationship is a sore spot and just too difficult to do on your own, I can help navigate that with you. You can connect with me HERE.