Effective communication can really help improve your home life.
So, you would like your mate to help you more around the house. He or she might do some tasks in a hit-or-miss way: emptying the dishwasher, taking out the garbage, picking up laundry from the bedroom floor, or a myriad of other things that can be done around your home.
The inconsistency or lack of effort in teamwork in this household area of your lives is building resentment inside of you.
You want to ask for help, but you keep telling yourself, “Why should I have to ask for help?
My partner should know what I want and need. He/she should initiate helping me.”
It’s extremely frustrating when we have expectations that are not met. With each expectation that is not met, another line is written in the negative story we may be building in our head about our mate.
Guess what?
While we are walking around with negative thoughts and energy in our bodies, our mate isn’t even thinking about it because he/she has no idea what it is you need and want. He/she cannot read your mind.
I’m a big believer that we don’t get anything in this world unless we ask for it. To expect someone else to know what we want is a recipe for undue stress and frustration.
The key to asking your mate to help you is in the language and tone. First, it’s important to be specific in your request. To say, “I’d like you to help more,” will get you nowhere. It’s too general.
It would be better to say, “I would really like you to take out the garbage before we go to bed before trash day. It gives me peace of mind to know it’s out before the garbage trucks come in the morning. Would you do that?”
Notice the request is specific, and the final question is, “Would you do that?” Boom. Direct and in a neutral tone. There’s no condescension (parenting) tone, no “Could you do that?” Simply state the request and then ask, “Would you do that?”
Asking for what you want and need is one of the best things you can do for you and your relationship!
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