I believe one of the reasons my wife fell in love with me 25 years ago is because I am a very chill guy who is accommodating to her wants and needs. Most of the time I’ll go along with my wife’s ideas. Lately, though, I’m feeling a little taken advantage of by her. When I ask to do something I want to do, she somehow gets me to agree with whatever she would like to do instead. I’m feeling taken advantage of and a bit of a doormat. What do I do to change this?
My guess is your wife is so used to you going along with what she wants so often that she may in fact assume that will be the case indefinitely. If you sit around waiting for her to have an epiphany that your habit of accommodating her has changed, you may be waiting for a long time. I’m a believer in teaching people how to treat us. The key is clear communication and consistency in the message.
Your wife may be a bit jarred by this because she’s not used to hearing you stand your ground for what you would like, but that’s exactly what you need to do, in a kind way, of course. Delivering your message by saying, “This desire is important to me and I would like you to honor my request. Would you do that?” Your wife may be shocked in the moment because she is not used to you responding to her in this assertive way, but I would bet she will go along with your request.
You’ll feel good about speaking up for yourself and your wife will feel good for not usually getting what she wants.
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