This month’s Ask Coach Kathy explains how to turn a negative situation around in a relationship by talking at the right time, and in a non-conflict way.
My girlfriend has a bad habit of embarrassing me in front of people. If I make a mistake, she’ll say “Why did you do that?” Or if I say something that I think is correct and she doesn’t agree, she’ll say, “That’s not right” and correct me.
I love her deeply, but I feel belittled by her and humiliated in front of others. What do I do?
If this relationship is important to you, and it sounds like it is, you must talk to your girlfriend about this. Find a non-conflict moment and preface your comments with something like, “I very much want us to have an honest and open relationship, and that is why I am bringing up something very important to me.”
Go ahead and tell her how you feel when she says certain things in front of others. Refrain from blaming statements, such as “You always …” or “You never …” That will only put her on the defense.
Once you’ve explained how you feel, ask specifically for what you would like in the relationship. For example, “I would like for you to refrain from asking me why I did something in front of others. Also, if you think what I am saying is wrong, please talk to me privately.”
Talking to her as soon as possible is crucial. If this is not addressed, my concern is that you will begin to not like how you feel about yourself in her company. That is not sustainable.
Do you have sensitive issues in your relationships that you need help with? Ask Coach Kathy about it. Submit your question below.
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