Relationships in the News

An article in Psychology Today lists the 5 Ways to Perk Up Your Relationship or Marriage. Just in time for spring, here they are:

1. Be grateful. I truly believe gratitude is one of the cornerstones of a marriage or committed relationship. It’s pivotal to any relationship, for that matter. Seeing the best in someone you love and expressing your gratitude is a foundational brick that will not crumble.
2. Poke Fun at Each Other. This means taking time out to be good-naturedly playful with one another. Life can get so serious. Being goofy and acting like kids is a wonderful way to instill lightness in your relationship. As for me, I carry a pair of cardboard goofy-eyed glasses in my purse at all times. Once in awhile I’ll wear them when my husband least expects. I just did this last week at Whole Foods. My husband did a 180 as soon as he saw me, but we got a chuckle out of it.
3. Capitalize on Good News. So often we lean on our mates for a shoulder on which to cry, and that’s a wonderful thing. We need to be as generous with our good news. When something positive happens in your life, let your mate be your go-to person.
4. Notice What’s New About Your Partner. We are all meant to change throughout life. Noticing the positive changes in our mates is key. But first we have to pay enough attention. The problem is that we can get so used to our partners that we stop noticing them. “But the fact that you stopped looking doesn’t mean they’ve stopped changing,” says Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer. “You feel like you’ve captured who this is in your mind, so you hold them still,” says Langer. “But they’re actually growing and changing all the time. Once we think we know another person so well that we don’t pay attention to them anymore, the person stops being seen.” Not feeling seen in a relationship is a red flag!
5. Look After Yourself. “If you’re going through a rough patch, often the most effective thing that you can do is to lovingly remove your attention from the relationship-period,” says Susan Biali, wellness coach and author of Your Prescription for Life. “Forget about what the other person is doing badly, or isn’t doing, and focus on taking positive action in your own life instead.” By learning how to fulfill some of your own needs, you take the pressure off your relationship as being your only source of happiness. “Plus, by taking care of what you need to in your own life, you bring a more positive attitude back into the relationship,” Biali says.